Your Quick Guide to Common Law Marriage

Common law marriage grants a couple all the legal benefits of marriage without requiring the couple to formally register for a civil or religious marriage. There are requirements to officially establish a common law marriage, but these requirements vary by state. In Colorado, common law marriages must still be ended by divorce, and it is best to have a skilled Denver divorce attorney who is fluent in Colorado law by your side. Here are some other quick facts about common law marriage in Colorado:

 

“In Colorado, there are three factors that must be present to establish a common law

marriage. First, you must live together. There is no minimum amount of time — it can be for as little as one night. Second, you must hold yourselves out to be married — that is, you must tell other people you are married or represent to other people that you are married by owning property in joint tenancy or filing joint tax returns or health insurance forms, etc. Third, you must have an agreement that you are married. Without holding yourselves out as being married and without the intent to be married, you are not common law married, regardless of how long you have lived together and whether you have children together.

 

Common law marriage is real marriage. Common law spouses have all the same

rights and responsibilities as ceremonially married people.

 

Be aware that there is no such thing as common law divorce. Once you are married,

whether by ceremony or by common law, you can terminate the marriage only by formal divorce. If you do not get a divorce after a common law marriage, all future marriages will be void, and your common law spouse will have all the benefits of a spouse, including the right to take a portion of your estate against your will and to receive various survivor benefits from the government or even from your retirement plan” (Willoughby, 2016, p.156).

 

For more information on common law marriages, read  “Chapter 13: Family Relationships” in 2016 Colorado Senior Law Handbook, or give your trusted Colorado lawyer a call to discuss your options.

 

Willoughby, K. R. Esq., (2016). Chapter 13: Family Relationships. 2016 Colorado Senior Law

Handbook, 156.

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What to Know About Child and Family Investigators and Parenting Evaluators

Willoughby & Associates aims to use our extensive experience in divorce litigation to make your family’s transition as painless as possible. Almost every case that we handle goes to divorce mediation as part of the divorce process so that each party has the opportunity to reach a fair compromise. When parents undergoing a divorce cannot agree on parenting issues, a child and family investigator (CFI) or parental responsibility evaluator (PRE) is often appointed to investigate, file a report and issue recommendations concerning parenting time and decision-making authority. Here are some things to know about the CFI/PRE to help you prepare:

 

“CFIs/PREs carry a significant amount of weight in any family law matter. In

preparing their reports, they address a client’s psychological profile, family history, dynamic within the marriage, parenting ability, and general personal shortcomings. The written report of a CFI/PRE is extremely personal to the client, and deals with those things most near and dear to him or her. The CFI’s/PRE’s report can literally have an impact on a family that lasts years. The report can also result in a psychic injury to a client.

 

As such, a client cannot be too well prepared for his or her dealing with the

CFI/PRE. The client should be made familiar with the CFI’s/PRE’s role in the case. The client should be told the process that the CFI/PRE is likely to use. The client should understand that there is no confidentiality between him or her and the CFI/PRE. The client should be made aware that the CFI/PRE is neither “on” his or her “side,” nor a lawyer for the child(ren). It is probably helpful for the client to be told what a report is likely to look like in terms of substance and issues covered. Finally, the client should be properly warned that the report is more likely than not to contain opinions that the client does not like or even agree with. Where possible, if the lawyer has an idea of what the CFI/PRE is likely to find as the client’s deficits, the lawyer should begin to discuss those issues with the Client. Lastly, all CFIs and PREs should be properly vetted before being agreed to by a lawyer” (Willoughby, 2014, p. 19).

 

As the best divorce attorney Denver area office, Willoughby & Associates is prepared to effectively handle every aspect of your unique case. Whether that involves dealing with CFIs and PREs or standing alongside you during divorce mediation, the attorneys at Willoughby & Associates are here to help your family transition. Read more about child and family investigators and parenting evaluators in “Chapter 38” of Lawyers’ Professional Responsibility in Colorado.

 

Willoughby, K. R. Esq., (2014). Family law. Lawyers’ Professional Liability in Colorado, 18-19.

 

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What I’ve Learned: Adults Behaving Badly in Front of The Kids

Divorce is an extremely stressful situation for all family members involved, including the kids.  Denver divorce mediation can lessen some of the stress by opening up the lines of communication in a safe and comfortable atmosphere. As Denver’s experts in mindful divorce, the attorneys at Willoughby legal firm will help ensure that your divorce is as cooperative and constructive as possible. Here are some things I’ve learned about the consequences of adults behaving badly in front of the kids:

 

“One thing you can almost guarantee is that kids are watching, listening, and learning from us all the time.  Even if we don’t think they are paying attention, they are! I have lost count the number of times something I have said or done in the past comes back to haunt me at the hands of my children.  We sometimes forget the power of our words and deeds as examples for our kids.

 

Stressful situations, like a separation or divorce, can lead adults to behave badly and not set the best example.  This should be an opportunity to show kids how to resolve conflicts appropriately, but it often degenerates into an all-out war.  Watching the two people they love and rely on the most openly hate each other can be devastating for children.

 

Realizing that your actions and behavior will have an impact on your kid’s development is so important.  While it may be difficult to remember when emotions are running high, you have to choose to be the parent your children need.  Putting them in the middle, bad-mouthing your spouse in front of them, or making them turn into the parent to care for you will not bode well for their future relationships.  Instead, let them be kids, choose to stop the conflict and negativity, and show them that disagreements can be resolved amicably. It may not be the easiest route, but in the end it will be in the best interests of your children.  When this is all said and done, you want to be able to look back and know you did the best you could for your kids.

 

I know some people are wondering, “how can I do that when my-husband/wife is uncooperative?”  As with most things in life, it comes down to choices. It takes two to have a fight – choose to stop.  Keeping the animosity and anger going only prevents you from moving on to your new life. If your kids can see you take a bad situation and make the best of it, you have taught them well” (Willoughby).

Willoughby, K. R. Esq., Genesee Living Magazine.

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What I’ve Learned: When Can A Child Decide Which Parent To Live With?

"During and after amicable divorce, parents ask me all the time, ‘When can my child decide which parent they want to live with?’ The short answer is when he or she is 18 years old, but it isn’t quite that simple.  In Colorado, there is no statutory age at which kids get to decide what time they spend with their parents, but courts are required to consider the child’s wishes when the child is mature enough to express a clear and reasonable preference.  If a divorce has enough conflict that a Child and Family Investigator or a Parental Responsibilities Evaluator is appointed, those folks will talk to a child and see what he or she wants and why. That being said, the judge does not have to follow what the child wants if the child’s wishes are not in his or her best interests.  The older and the more mature the child, the more he or she is listened to.

 

What is in the best interests of the child?  If one parent is simply more lax or lenient than the other, a judge may place less weight on the child’s wishes.  If one parent is more involved and active in the child’s life, then more weight may be given to these wishes. But there are as many different facts to look at as there are families.  At the end of the day, courts are looking to put together parenting plans that serve the child.

 

Are kids able to testify in court about their preference?  Virtually no judge in Colorado will take testimony in open court from a child whose parents are divorcing.  Sometimes, although not often, a court will talk to a mature child in chambers. In Colorado’s system, the voices of children are to be heard through Child and Family Investigators, Parental Responsibility Evaluators, and parents.  Additionally, there is a lot of groupthink around the idea that children should know as little about and be involved as little as possible in the divorce. I often think how I would feel if I was told I had to be basically excluded from a situation that would have a profound impact on my life.  And in fact, when I used to work as an investigator, I constantly heard from children themselves that they felt like the court system actually treated them as if they did not matter.

 

I don’t think kids are given enough of a role in the creation of their futures when their parents’ relationship fails.  I have learned that by and large, divorcing people are not the best parents they can be, or have been. Divorcing people function less well than usual, are more ‘me’ centered than usual, and many of their actions are motivated by thoughts of retribution or trying to make themselves feel better.  Their analysis of ‘best interests of the child’ is often colored by their analysis of best interests of them. I also know that kids are a lot smarter, aware, and knowledgeable than we usually give them credit for.

 

I am struck how every couple of years, documentaries or research will be shown to lawyers and judges where adult children of divorced families talk about their experience of divorce.  People in my profession are surprised when these adults say they wish they had more of a voice in the process as children. No matter what their age, a divorce is generally a child’s most formative experience.

 

None of this is to say that children should be made to/allowed to choose between their parents, or to be inserted into the divorce process.  (Though I will say that many older children really have moved beyond their parents enough that their choice is not really about a ‘parent,’ but about a parent’s environment and what they have to offer the child.)  Children should be not pawns in divorces and they should be able to have childhoods even if their parents are divorcing. But I’ve learned that one way to honor who our children are and who they will become is by hearing them and treating their voices as crucial to determining their ‘best interests’” (Willoughby).  Learn more at https://willoughbylaw.com/.

 

Willoughby, K. R. Esq., Genesee Living Magazine.

 

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What I’ve Learned: Thinking About the Future

“Going through amicable divorce is difficult  – no ifs, ands, or buts about it, find the best divorce attorney to help.  Even if things end on the best of terms, you may be left with a sense of loss, failure, or grief.  Unfortunately, it can be quite easy to get lost in those feelings and not move forward into a future that holds a lot of promise for you.  Instead of focusing on the ending, look toward the beginning. What a gift you have been given: the chance to redefine your life and create a future that feels right for you.  I believe that although one door may have closed, others are opening.

 

This is the time to dream big – why not?  You are an important person and you have control over yourself.  Living in the past is no way to live. Being angry at someone does not hurt them nearly as much as it hurts you.  There are steps you can take to move forward, heal, and create the future you want. First things first, accept that the divorce happened. Allow yourself to grieve if you need to.  Get it all out – you can’t move forward holding on to things from the past. Just don’t stay in the grief too long, and remember to reach out to friends and family.

 

Be kind to yourself.  Treat yourself to a new look or find a hobby you enjoy. Enlist the services of a personal coach, a personal chef, a physical health expert, or a mental health expert.  Remember to pay attention to what you are telling yourself. Are you being negative or berating yourself? Try to practice gratitude and remind yourself that you are important and wonderful.  Take a solo trip to a place that brings you joy or volunteer your time with a group that you believe in. Live some part of your life in service to something else, something that makes you understand that you are part of the world, but you are not the whole world.  To be the best version of yourself, the best parent you can be, and move forward, you must take care of you!

 

Set some goals for your future.  These don’t have to be grandiose or complicated – start small and simple.  Focus on the next week, then the month, and go forward from there. Do you want to get more exercise, get out with friends more often, or learn a new skill?  Focus on what brings you happiness and more happiness will follow.

 

You are responsible for your own happiness.  Happiness is a choice you must make every day.   So choose forward progress over staying stuck in the past and holding on to anger.  Take this for what it is – a learning experience and a chance to create the life you want in the future” (Willoughby).

 

Willoughby, K. R. Esq., Genesee Living Magazine.

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What to Expect During an Initial Status Conference

As an informal conference between the court, parties and their counsel, initial status conferences are a crucial part in the court process. The Denver divorce attorney at Willoughby & Associates strive to avoid court situations through effective divorce mediation, but are prepared to stand with you during the court process if needed. If your case does end up reaching court, knowing what to expect during these conferences can help all parties feel at ease and prepared for the process:

 

“In theory, the initial status conference is a time when the court determines if the parties have any agreements that can be made orders of the court, sets a discovery schedule, and sets the next court event. In practice, the initial status conference is where temporary orders are made, either by strong-arming, by agreement, or by default. The court may also enter interim orders to address emergency circumstances at an initial status conference. C.R.C.P. 16.2(c)(2)(D). For some magistrates, setting interim child support and maintenance amounts is an emergency issue. Additionally, discovery discussions begin and often end at this conference. The initial status conference also sets the tone of the case, both for the court and between parties and their counsel.

 

The results of the initial status conference will often stay with the parties for the duration of their case. Clients are generally still getting acclimated to the fact of a divorce and to the legal process at the time of an initial status conference. They are in need of a lot of legal direction and advice at this time. The initial status conference should not be underprepared for, nor its importance to the overall case underestimated” (Willoughby, 2014, p. 13).

 

With both excellent outcomes in court and favorable mediation agreements, the attorneys at Willoughby & Associates understand what you need, and how to deliver it in an effective way that allows you to transition to the next phase of your life.  Read more about what to expect during initial status conferences in “Chapter 38” of Lawyers’ Professional Liability in Colorado.

 

Willoughby, K. R. Esq., (2014). Family law. Lawyers’ Professional Liability in Colorado, 13.

 

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How Marriage Impacts Public Benefits

When someone who uses public benefits gets married, their benefits may change or stop altogether depending on their age or the type of benefits they use. Social Security, Disability, Supplemental Security Income (SSI), Old-Age Pension and Medicaid for Long-Term Care are all public benefits that may change. Willoughby law firm specializes in all areas of amicable divorce in Colorado, estate administration and prenuptial agreements, so for guidance on how your benefits may be affected by these areas, our expert attorneys are here to help. Here is some further information about how marriage can specifically impact Social Security and Disability benefits:

 

“Social Security

Many people receive Social Security retirement benefits as the spouse of a qualified

worker. That is because an individual who does not have a sufficient work history to receive Social Security benefits may be entitled to benefits on the work record of the spouse who does. In order to receive benefits as a spouse, the recipient must have a valid marriage to the qualified worker, through either a traditional marriage or by common law marriage. The spouse of a retired or deceased worker is eligible for benefits. Under certain circumstances, a divorced spouse is also eligible. In general, to receive benefits as a widow or former spouse, a person must be unmarried. Remarrying may cause benefits to stop, under certain circumstances. Contact your local Social Security office for information.

Disability

When a worker becomes disabled, his or her spouse may be eligible for benefits

under certain circumstances. While the spouse of a disabled worker is entitled to benefits in these situations, there are no equivalent benefits for the disabled spouse of the worker because the spouse is disabled” (Willoughby, 2016, p. 154).

 

For more information on how attorneys can help navigate benefit changes that happen upon marriage, read  “Chapter 13: Family Relationships” in 2016 Colorado Senior Law Handbook, or give your trusted Colorado lawyer a call.

 

Willoughby, K. R. Esq., (2016). Chapter 13: Family Relationships. 2016 Colorado Senior Law

Handbook, 154-155.

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